DID MOSES HAVE P.T.S.D.?

Let me say at the outset . . .

I know this is going to be controversial. I haven't ever read anything about Moses and traumatic stress. I expect most readers to roll their eyes and say, "Yep, Jim was a Marine. That explains it." However, as I read and reread the Pentateuch narratives from the perspective of a veteran with PTSD, some things stood out to me about Moses' circumstances theologians seem to miss. Most of my fellow pastors and none of my seminary profs appeared to believe the pressure cooker God put Moses under had no physical effect on this great man.

It's as if Moses had a spiritual protective "flak vest" around his brain. He was somehow immune to the Jews showing up at his tent flap every other day with a rope, ready to string him up from the highest cactus they could find. That's combat, folks. It affects you when a group of people, spiritually dead, I might add, want to kill you. Been there, done that. Moses put on his sandals like you and I do, one foot at a time. And the coupe de grace was when Yahweh Elohim told Moses to speak to the Rock. Moses (played by Charleston Heston) spoke with his staff, banging on the Rock out of rage, utter exasperation, and fear. I didn't think Moses cared what God said or the consequences at that moment. 

In a sense, I felt the narrative, unlike other Old Testament stories I've read. Moses' life bore the scars of a man abused by the people he gave everything for to get them to Canaan.

I don't mind being wrong here. If Moses had ended up in the V.A.s Mental Health Department on the Plains of Moab, it wouldn't change anything about the man, his mission, or the Rock that followed Israel. It does speak to me personally as a combat veteran. God knew Moses had reached his limit with this stiff-necked people. It also contrasts Moses and the greater Moses, Jesus, all the more contrastive. Jesus bears with us, and our sin is far greater than Moses ever could. That emphasizes Jesus' high priesthood. 

That takes my mind to another agonizing place: Jesus in Gethsemane. If an issue drives you to sweat great drops of blood over it, you are in a place of such misery that the limbic system has to be affected adversely. Perhaps our Lord had reached that place, so many of us have stood on the verge of suicide. Of course, He, as Lord of heaven and earth, would not have succumbed to it. The Gospel writers say nothing about Satan's "help." But I have to believe that the devil was very close at hand, whispering those cold words some of us have heard when life isn't worth it anymore. That scene tells me Jesus, more than any human being, knows what the "elephant" looks like. He felt the trunk, legs, and bulk of the torso of that beast, and He's tasted death for every one of us who call upon His name.

So, walk around this one. Kick the tires. Push the seat back. Get the feel of it. See what you think. semper fi.

A.    The Exodus

Moses was a miracle baby. Pharaoh had ordered the mothers to throw their Israelite boys into the Nile river immediately after their birth. Many did, but God had plans for Moses, and I believe it was more than leading Israel out of Egypt and through the wilderness. On the last plague, God avenged the deaths of His people’s children. Exodus 11 points out, 

“4 Then Moses said, “This is what the Lord says: ‘About midnight I am going out into the midst of Egypt, 5 and all the firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die, from the firstborn of the Pharaoh who sits on his throne, to the firstborn of the slave girl who is behind the millstones; all the firstborn of the cattle as well. 6 So there shall be a great cry in all the land of Egypt, such as there has not been before and such as shall never be again.” 

Payback is a son-of-a-gun, as we used to say. Egyptian firstborn lay dead over the breadth and width of the land of the Pharaohs. The Egyptians begged Israel to leave, but not before they plundered Egypt.

So, Israel headed east into the wilderness, and it wasn’t long before the grumbling began. When Israel reached the Red Sea, they realized Pharaoh was hot on their heels in pursuit. They wanted all that free Israelite slave labor back to work. The Jews were suddenly terrified of the Egyptians, never mind that their God had devastated Egypt. They demanded Moses do something quickly.

And they became very frightened; so the sons of Israel cried out to the Lord. 11 Then they said to Moses, “Is it because there were no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? Why have you dealt with us in this way, bringing us out of Egypt? 12 Is this not the word that we spoke to you in Egypt, saying, ‘Leave us alone so that we may serve the Egyptians’? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness!” Israel saw Moses as the source of their distress, not God.

When Moses held his staff high, God parted the Red Sea, and Israel walked across on dry land. When Pharaoh’s army attempted to go after Israel, Moses stretched out his hand again, and the walls of water poured down on the King’s army, drowning them all.  

Three days later, the people came to Marah, where the water was bitter. 23 When they came to Marah, they could not drink the waters of Marah, because they were bitter; for that reason it was named Marah. 24 So the people grumbled at Moses, saying, “What are we to drink?” (Ex. 15). God showed Moses a log to throw into the waters, and they became sweet. 

In the wilderness of Sin, the people grumbled because they wanted bread to eat. On the fifteenth day of the second month after their departure from the land of Egypt. 2 But the whole congregation of the sons of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness. 3 The sons of Israel said to them, “If only we had died by the Lord’s hand in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the pots of meat, when we ate bread until we were full; for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this entire assembly with hunger!” (Ex. 16). To have about two million hungry people grumbling about your lack of care for them began to take its toll on Moses, and God rained manna from heaven on them. 

The people moved on in stages to Rephidim. They found no water, so the people quarreled with Moses, demanding he provides for the water. They said, 2 So the people quarreled with Moses and said, “Give us water so that we may drink!” 3 “Why is it that you have you brought us up from Egypt, to kill us and our children and our livestock with thirst?” Israel’s agitation has escalated. In Exodus 17:4, 7, we read, “So Moses cried out to the Lord, saying, ‘What am I to do with this people? A little more and they will stone me!’”. . . 7 Then Moses named the place Massah and Meribah because of the quarrel of the sons of Israel, and because they tested the Lord, saying, “Is the Lord among us, or not?” God told Moses to take his staff and strike the rock. When he did, water came out for them to drink. 

Amalek came to fight Israel, adding to Moses’ concerns (Ex. 17:8-16). The LORD defeated Amalek. When Moses held up his hands, Israel prevailed. When he lowered his hands, Amalek succeeded. 13 And it came about the next day, that Moses sat to judge the people, and the people stood before Moses from the morning until the evening (Ex. 18). Up to this point in the wilderness journey, Moses had assumed the role of Israel’s judge. No one else heard the cases, which would have taken its toll on Moses. Moses listened to his father-in-law, who advises him to pick wise men to settle the lesser cases. He does, and this alleviates some of the pressure on him. 

Moses ascended Sinai to stand before the LORD for forty days. There he would receive the law. Now when the people saw that Moses delayed to come down from the mountain, the people assembled around Aaron and said to him, "Come, make us a god who will go before us; for this Moses, the man who brought us up from the land of Egypt—we do not know what happened to him (Ex. 32:1). In verse seven, the Lord spoke to Moses, “Go down at once, for your people, whom you brought up from the land of Egypt, have behaved corruptly.” . . . 9 Then the Lord said to Moses, “I have seen this people, and behold, they are an obstinate people. 10 So now leave Me alone, that My anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them; and I will make of you a great nation.” 11 Then Moses pleaded with the Lord his God.

Moses' reaction to what he saw as he descended the mountain is instructive. 19 And it came about, as soon as Moses approached the camp, that he saw the calf and the people dancing; and Moses’ anger burned, and he threw the tablets from his hands and shattered them to pieces at the foot of the mountain. 20 Then he took the calf which they had made and completely burned it with fire, and ground it to powder, and scattered it over the surface of the water and made the sons of Israel drink it. Certainly, Moses’s anger burned because Israel had turned their backs on God. But his rage tells us more about his mental state. The people he led out of Egypt may have triggered a reaction in his brain.

I may be reading something into this that may not be there. However, the events leading to this situation tell me Moses’ stress level had put him at risk of a great sin for which he had little or no control. This son of Levi would not live to see Canaan except a distance. Aaron, Moses’ brother, saw and felt Moses' anger. 21 Then Moses said to Aaron, “What did this people do to you, that you have brought such a great sin upon them?” 22 And Aaron said, "Do not let the anger of my lord burn; you know the people yourself, that they are prone to evil.”

25 Now when Moses saw that the people were out of control—for Aaron had let them get out of control to the point of being an object of ridicule among their enemies— 26 Moses then stood at the gate of the camp, and said, “Whoever is for the Lord, come to me!” And all the sons of Levi gathered together to him. 27 And he said to them, “This is what the Lord, the God of Israel says: ‘Every man of you put his sword on his thigh, and go back and forth from gate to gate in the camp, and kill every man his brother, and every man his friend, and every man his neighbor.’” (emphasis added)

Moses isn’t committing murder or demanding the sons of Levi join him. God declared the entire nation a kingdom of priests (Ex. 19:6). God’s judgment on His stiff-necked people was death. This judgment became the judgment before the final act of God’s justice at the last day. Moses and the sons of Levi carried it out. Today, we might call this capital-corporate punishment. God’s command was from pure justice. But there is more to Moses’ instructions than meets the eye. God has burdened this man with several million obstinate people, and that task has taken its toll on Moses. 

At this point, we must view the Person and work of Christ for His people. Jesus lived His life, bearing the burden of every man and woman He chose. He felt the weight of that responsibility acutely, especially in Gethsemane. If Jesus had refrained from obeying His Father’s will for one second, each of God’s elect would die in their sins. So I think Moses’s prayers are emotionally dynamic and forceful. God reduced Moses to begging for the lives of people who would easily stone him for the slightest infraction of their wants. Three thousand Jews died that day. 

Listen to the tenor of Moses’ biting remarks, and later, his intercession for Israel. 30 And on the next day Moses said to the people, “You yourselves have committed a great sin; and now I am going up to the Lord; perhaps I can make atonement for your sin.” 31 Then Moses returned to the Lord and said, “Oh, this people has committed a great sin, and they have made a god of gold for themselves! 32 But now, if You will forgive their sin, very well; but if not, please wipe me out from Your book which You have written!” (emphasis added) Is this not a man who wants to die? Rather than suicide by police, we can say this is suicide by the hand of God! Stick a fork in Moses. He’s done! Again, the disparity between Israel’s redeemer, Moses, and God’s natural-born Son, Jesus, is pronounced. 

Rather than sending Moses on R & R, God keeps the pressure on Moses. We can now get a feel for the pressure Christ felt all the days of His life, bearing the sins of His people, yet not yielding an instant to temptation. 33 However, the Lord said to Moses, “Whoever has sinned against Me, I will wipe him out of My book. 34 But go now, lead the people where I told you. Behold, My angel shall go before you; nevertheless on the day when I punish, I will punish them for their sin.” 35 Then the Lord struck the people with a plague, because of what they did with the calf which Aaron had made. (emphasis added) Within twenty-four hours, Moses has ordered the deaths of 3,000 people and then watched, perhaps in horror, as the God he serves killed thousands more. 

If you are having trouble grasping the nature of the God who leads His people from Egyptian slavery into the freedom and servitude of righteousness, you aren’t alone. You must remember, the very first commandment is You shall have no other gods before Me. What’s so unbelievable is that God didn’t destroy the entire nation! This God declares to His people, “You shall be holy, for I am holy” (1 Pet. 1:16).1 This is God’s world, not ours. He created it in righteousness.

B.    Numbers

Along the journey to Canaan, God maintains His holiness before the people. Yet, He continues to show His people great mercy via the provisions He gives to them. He refuses to allow Moses to “sit this one out.” Moses, too is filling up the sufferings of Christ! (Col. 1:24) For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ (2 Cor. 1:5). Moses doesn’t realize it, but God is conforming him into the image of Christ. 

Numbers 10 informs us that God commanded Israel to leave Sinai: 34 And the cloud of the Lord was over them by day when they set out from the camp. In Numbers 11:1ff, Now the people became like those who complain of adversity in the ears of the Lord; and the Lord heard them and His anger was kindled, and the fire of the Lord burned among them and consumed some at the outskirts of the camp. 2 The people then cried out to Moses; and Moses prayed to the Lord, and the fire died out. 3 So that place was named Taberah, because the fire of the Lord burned among them. 3 So that place was named Taberah, because the fire of the Lord burned among them. 4 Now the rabble who were among them had greedy cravings; and the sons of Israel also wept again and said, “Who will give us meat to eat? 5 We remember the fish which we used to eat for free in Egypt, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic; 6 but now our appetite is gone. There is nothing at all to look at except this manna!” (Num. 11; emphasis added). Moses is given no letup, either from God or the people. 

Listen to Moses’ distress. 10 Now Moses heard the people weeping throughout their families, each one at the entrance of his tent; and the anger of the Lord became very hot, and Moses was displeased. 11 So Moses said to the Lord, “Why have You been so hard on Your servant? And why have I not found favor in Your sight, that You have put the burden of all this people on me? 12 Was it I who conceived all this people? Or did I give birth to them, that You should say to me, ‘Carry them in your arms, as a nurse carries a nursing infant, to the land which You swore to their fathers’? 13 Where am I to get meat to give to all this people? For they weep before me, saying, ‘Give us meat so that we may eat!’ 14 I am not able to carry all this people by myself, because it is too burdensome for me. 15 So if You are going to deal with me this way, please kill me now, if I have found favor in Your sight, and do not let me see my misery” (Num. 11; emphasis added) Does God hate Moses?2 

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1 Remember too, Jesus died to make us holy. Only God can grant what He demands.

2 Moses, even though at the end of his rope, typified the Messiah by suffering with Israel and offering to die for the people. See Ex. 32:32.

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Listen to the Apostle Paul address the Corinthian church: in far more labors, in far more imprisonments, beaten times without number, often in danger of death. 24 Five times I received from the Jews thirty-nine lashes. 25 Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, a night and a day I have spent adrift at sea. 26 I have been on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from my countrymen, dangers from the Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers at sea, dangers among false brothers; 27 I have been in labor and hardship, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. 28 Apart from such external things, there is the daily pressure on me of concern for all the churches. 29 Who is weak without my being weak? Who is led into sin without my intense concern? How did he deal with the burdens God caused him to carry? 30 If I have to boast, I will boast of what pertains to my weakness (emphasis added; 2 Cor. 11).

1 Peter 2:24 and He Himself brought our sins in His body up on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live for righteousness; by His wounds you were healed.

Moses wanted to die. God put him there, placing the constant burden of these people on Israel’s leader. Are Moses’ words another indication his brain has changed? Is it not adapting to the continual grumbling he hears and the death he sees? Suicide is on Moses’ mind. How much more can one man take? God heard and saw Moses’ dismay, just as He heard Jesus. God is showing Israel the Person and work of Messiah. So He gave Moses seventy elders and placed “some of the Spirit who is upon you, and put Him upon them; and they shall bear the burden of the people with you, so that you will not bear it by yourself” (v. 17). But God did not remove Moses from the “fiery furnace.” No one man can carry what Jesus bore on our behalf.

N.B. What does this tell us about suicide? First, God is Lord over suicide. Judas Iscariot killed himself after he betrayed Jesus. (See Jer. 19:6-8; Zech. 11:10-13) Second, God presented every Israelite options: divine grace and mercy or death. Third, suicide for a Christian is a sin, as it is with non-Christians.

However, God has already forgiven the Christian. Fourth, God never tempts us to suicide. That action is ours alone, even though Satan “helps.” Moses wanted to die, but for reasons we can but guess, God didn’t allow him that option. Moses didn’t commit suicide. Sixth, God doesn’t reprimand Moses for his desire. He keeps using this humble man to show forth the Person and work of Christ.

God reveals a way of escape (1 Cor. 10:13). “18 And you shall say to the people, ‘Consecrate yourselves for tomorrow, and you shall eat meat; for you have wept in the ears of the Lord, saying, “Oh that someone would give us meat to eat! For we were well-off in Egypt.” Therefore the Lord will give you meat and you shall eat. 19 You shall eat, not one day, nor two days, nor five days, nor ten days, nor twenty days, 20 but for a whole month, until it comes out of your nose and makes you nauseated; because you have rejected the Lord who is among you and have wept before Him, saying, “Why did we ever leave Egypt?”’” 21 But Moses said, “The people, among whom I am included, are six hundred thousand on foot! Yet You have said, ‘I will give them meat, so that they may eat for a whole month.’ 22 Are flocks and herds to be slaughtered for them, so that it will be sufficient for them? Or are all the fish of the sea to be caught for them, so that it will be sufficient for them?” 23 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Is the Lord’s power too little? Now you shall see whether My word will come true for you or not.” (Num. 11; emphasis added)

God then made a wind come up that brought up quail from the sea. Quail don’t come from the sea. God answered His own question, “Is the Lord’s power too little?”  

While the people collected, roasted, and ate the birds, and “33 While the meat was still between their teeth, before it was chewed, the anger of the Lord was kindled against the people, and the Lord struck the people with a very severe plague (disease).” Worse was coming.

“Then Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Cushite woman whom he had married (for he had married a Cushite woman); 2 and they said, ‘Is it a fact that the Lord has spoken only through Moses? Has He not spoken through us as well?’” (Num. 12). At this point, we learn about Moses’ incredible humility; a visible demonstration of Christ’s passive obedience. 

God appeared in the pillar of cloud, angry at Aaron and Miriam’s demand. The LORD ascended, and Miriam stood leprous, like snow. Moses once more interceded for his brother’s wife, 13 So Moses cried out to the Lord, saying, “God, heal her, please!”, and the LORD restored her skin. God shut Miriam up outside the camp for a week. 

God then told Moses to send out twelve spies from each tribe to search out the land of Canaan and report back. 31 But the men who had gone up with him said, “We are not able to go up against the people, because they are too strong for us.” 32 So they brought a bad report of the land which they had spied out to the sons of Israel, saying, “The land through which we have gone to spy out is a land that devours its inhabitants; and all the people whom we saw in it are people of great stature. 33 We also saw the Nephilim there (the sons of Anak are part of the Nephilim); and we were like grasshoppers in our own sight, and so we were in their sight.”

Moses had waited for this day for years. You can imagine his dismay when the people proved themselves more like the idolatrous Egyptians than the sons of Jacob. 

God told Moses to do an about-face and lead the people back into the wilderness. The people would wander forty years, one year for each day they searched the land. In that time, the generation that came out of Egypt would die off, and their children would enter the land. 

1 Then all the congregation raised their voices and cried out, and the people wept that night. 2 And all the sons of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron; and the entire congregation said to them, “If only we had died in the land of Egypt! Or even if we had died in this wilderness! 3 So why is the Lord bringing us into this land to fall by the sword? Our wives and our little ones will become plunder! Would it not be better for us to return to Egypt?” 4 So they said to one another, “Let’s appoint a leader and return to Egypt!” (Num. 14). (emphasis added)

5 Then Moses and Aaron fell on their faces in the presence of all the assembly of the congregation of the sons of Israel. Moses was more concerned about what the Egyptians would think. 11 And the Lord said to Moses, “How long will this people be disrespectful to Me? And how long will they not believe in Me, despite all the signs that I have performed in their midst? 12 I will strike them with plague and dispossess them, and I will make you into a nation greater and mightier than they.” Moses is all that stands between Israel and total annihilation. So it is with every person who has ever lived. Paul wrote to the Colossian believers, 16 for by Christ all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones, or dominions, or rulers, or authorities—all things have been created through Him and for Him. 17 He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together (Col. 1)

Moses pled with the LORD, saying, 19 Please forgive the guilt of this people in accordance with the greatness of Your mercy, just as You also have forgiven this people, from Egypt even until now.” 20 So the Lord said, “I have forgiven them in accordance with your word; 21 however, as I live, all the earth will be filled with the glory of the Lord. The big deal here is Israel’s disregard for the original mandate or the first great commission in Gen. 1:28, God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” We read of the same sin in Genesis 11. The earth’s population came together on the plains of Shinar. 4 And they said, “Come, let’s build ourselves a city, and a tower whose top will reach into heaven, and let’s make a name for ourselves; otherwise we will be scattered abroad over the face of all the earth.” (emphasis added) 9 Therefore it was named Babel, because there the Lord confused the language of all the earth; and from there the Lord scattered them abroad over the face of all the earth. All the world’s languages are a result of man’s disobedience to God. 37 those men who brought the bad report of the land also died by a plague in the presence of the Lord. (emphasis added) 

We are discussing suicide and Moses’ mental state. Israel’s leader watches God’s judgments destroy the people with sickening regularity. Moses isn’t presiding over a few deaths, but thousands, every time they grumble. Israel isn’t dying of natural causes but horrible deaths. The only events we have to compare this type of genocide to are the battles of the American Civil War, World Wars One and Two: Fredericksburg, Bull Run, Shiloh, Antietam, Chancellorsville, Bull Run, Gettysburg, In France, the Marne, the Somme, Amiens, Paschendale, Cambrai, and Verdun. In Belgium, there was Ypres. In the Dardanelles, Gallipoli. In the Second World War, Kursk, Stalingrad, Pearl Harbor, Midway, North Africa, Normandy, Iwo Jima, Peleliu, Okinawa, to name a few. 

Moses watched day after day the trials God inflicted on His people. He was holy, and they were not. They refused to acknowledge His right over them. He had bought them with a price, and they belonged to Him. In Numbers 15, a man labored on the Sabbath, and God put him to death.

And along came Korah. 1 Now Korah the son of Izhar, the son of Kohath, the son of Levi, with Dathan and Abiram, the sons of Eliab, and On the son of Peleth, sons of Reuben, took men, 2 and they stood before Moses, together with some of the sons of Israel, 250 leaders of the congregation chosen in the assembly, men of renown. 3 They assembled together against Moses and Aaron, and said to them, “You have gone far enough! For all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the Lord is in their midst; so why do you exalt yourselves above the assembly of the Lord?” (Num. 16). 4 When Moses heard this, he fell on his face. . . . 7 You have gone far enough, you sons of Levi!”

What Moses does next is insightful and gives us another clue as to his mental state. 12 Then Moses sent a summons to Dathan and Abiram, the sons of Eliab; but they said, “We will not come up. 13 Is it not enough that you (Moses) have brought us up out of a land flowing with milk and honey to have us die in the wilderness, but you would also appoint yourself as master over us? 14 Indeed, you have not brought us into a land flowing with milk and honey, nor have you given us an inheritance of fields and vineyards. Would you gouge out the eyes of these men? We will not come up!” 15 Then Moses became very angry and said to the Lord, “Pay no attention to their offering! I have not taken a single donkey from them, nor have I done harm to any of them” (Num. 16; emphasis added). Another sign of traumatic stress is given us. Moses was angry.

20 Then the Lord spoke to Moses and Aaron, saying, 21 “Separate yourselves from among this congregation, so that I may consume them instantly.” 22 But they fell on their faces and said, “God, the God of the spirits of humanity, when one person sins, will You be angry with the entire congregation?” (emphasis added)

31 And as he finished speaking all these words, the ground that was under them split open; 32 and the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them, their households, and all the people who belonged to Korah with all their possessions. . . . 35 Fire also came out from the Lord and consumed the 250 men who were offering the incense. (emphasis added) Moses’s mind had surely adapted in order to cope with the staggering losses.

41 But on the next day all the congregation of the sons of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron, saying, “You (Moses and Aaron) are the ones who have caused the death of the Lord’s people!”  Once again, Moses’ prayers are all that stands between the people and death. You can hear the panic in Moses’ voice, 43 Then Moses and Aaron came to the front of the tent of meeting, 44 and the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, 45 “Get away from among this congregation so that I may consume them instantly.” Then they fell on their faces. 46 And Moses said to Aaron, “Take your censer and put fire in it from the altar, and place incense on it; then bring it quickly to the congregation and make atonement for them, for wrath has gone out from the Lord, the plague has begun!” . . . . 48 And he took his stand between the dead and the living, so that the plague was brought to a halt. 49 But those who died by the plague were 14,700 in number, besides those who died on account of Korah. (emphasis added) Moses represents the work of Christ on behalf of the living and dead. Were it not for Christ, by whom all things hold together, all of us would perish the moment we sin! 

10 But the Lord said to Moses, “Put the staff of Aaron back in front of the testimony to be kept as a sign against the rebels, so that you may put an end to their grumblings against Me and they do not die.” 11 Moses did so; just as the Lord had commanded him, so he did.

12 Then the sons of Israel spoke to Moses, saying, “Behold, we are passing away, we are perishing, we are all perishing! 13 Everyone who comes near, who comes near to the tabernacle of the Lord, must die. Are we to perish completely?” (emphasis added)

One final episode in the life of Moses should suffice. After Aaron’s wife, Miriam, died, the people reached Meribah. They expected to find water, but there was none, “and they assembled against Moses and Aaron.3 3 Then the people argued with Moses and spoke, saying, “If only we had perished when our brothers perished before the Lord! 4 Why then have you brought the Lord’s assembly into this wilderness, for us and our livestock to die here? 5 Why did you make us come up from Egypt, to bring us into this wretched place? It is not a place of grain or figs or vines or pomegranates, nor is there water to drink!” Nothing had changed in the hearts and minds of these people. They remained as rebellious as the day they left Egypt. They saw themselves as a people of God, but in name only. They refused to seek the true and living God for their needs but charged Moses with their difficulties. The rod that budded had changed nothing for them. 

In Moses’ condition, I believe this continual visage of death, the people’s anger he faced daily, that the nation could not be satisfied no matter what God/Moses did or didn’t do. This Moses in Numbers was not the man who left Egypt, and his continual stresses, as traumatic as they were, had changed him. I read signs of traumatic stress explicitly and implicitly in his life. 

One more time, the people demand Moses fix their desperate plight. They wanted water from Moses, and Moses couldn’t give them water any more than I could. “And the glory of the Lord appeared to them; 7 then the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, 8 ‘Take the staff; and you and your brother Aaron assemble the congregation and speak to the rock before their eyes, that it shall yield its water. So you shall bring water for them out of the rock, and have the congregation and their livestock drink.’” (emphasis added)

What did Moses do? Did he obey God and speak to the rock so that water would gush forth? 9 “So Moses took the staff from before the Lord, just as He had commanded him; 10 and Moses and Aaron summoned the assembly in front of the rock. And he said to them, ‘Listen now, you rebels; shall we bring water for you out of this rock?’ 11 Then Moses raised his hand and struck the rock twice with his staff; and water came out abundantly, and the congregation and their livestock drank.” (emphasis added) The manner of Moses’ words were dyed with anger that had built within him over the years—of which God was fully aware—finally burst forth as the waters did. Moses would not enter Canaan personally. His P.T.S.D. had cost him life in the land of promise.

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3 Ex. 3:7-9 And the Lord said, “I have certainly seen the oppression of My people who are in Egypt, and have heard their outcry because of their taskmasters, for I am aware of their sufferings. 8 So I have come down to rescue them from the power of the Egyptians, . . . 9 And now, behold, the cry of the sons of Israel has come to Me; furthermore, I have seen the oppression with which the Egyptians are oppressing them. Ex. 4:31 So the people believed; and when they heard that the Lord was concerned about the sons of Israel and that He had seen their affliction, they bowed low and worshiped.

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But why? God Himself gives the answer. “’12 But the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, “Since you did not trust in Me, to treat Me as holy in the sight of the sons of Israel, for that reason you shall not bring this assembly into the land which I have given them.’ 13 Those were called the waters of Meribah, because the sons of Israel argued with the Lord, and He proved Himself holy among them.” Obedience to a holy God is a holy work, and the slightest infraction brings the greatest calamity. 

There are many lessons veterans and others can glean from Moses’s constant stresses. Let me give several. When we compare Moses’s difficulties with those of Jesus, we see two men possibly pushed to the brink of suicide. We discover suffering on a grand scale. 

Both men awoke each day to  the pressures of multitudes of needy people looking to them to supply their needs. Both men felt the overwhelming stresses of angry doubters. Both men attempted to point the crowds to God. God used both men to mediate His glory to hordes of curious, needy, doubting, scoffing, self-righteous onlookers who could not understand God's hand in their ministry to Israel. Only One handled the crushing weight of the heavenly burden, Jesus. 

Moses didn’t enter the land of promise, and Jesus died as a criminal on a cross.

Mt. 26:37-39 And He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee with Him, and began to be grieved and distressed. 38 Then He said to them, “My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death; remain here and keep watch with Me.” 39 And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.”

Mk. 14:33-36 And He took with Him Peter, James, and John, and began to be very distressed and troubled. 34 And He said to them, “My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death; remain here and keep watch.” 35 And He went a little beyond them, and fell to the ground and began praying that if it were possible, the hour might pass Him by. 36 And He was saying, “Abba! Father! All things are possible for You; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You will.”

Lk. 22:44 And being in agony He was praying very fervently; and His sweat became like drops of blood, falling down upon the ground. (emphasis added)

Col. 1:24 Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I do my share on behalf of His body, which is the church, in filling up what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions.

I, too, felt myself pushed to suicide, utterly incapable of fending off my demons. Jesus died for men like Moses and us so that we could find forgiveness from sin and discover the overcoming power of grace. Moreover, we suffer so that we might learn obedience as Jesus did (Heb. 5:8)

Jesus and Moses entered the more excellent land of promise, heaven. Which do you think is better, to live in a land that will ultimately burn up (2 Pet. 3:10-11), where Satan, death, and sin reign, or have a living hope that one day you will in a land without decay and death? I will cross that coming threshold when I die. In my union with Christ, His Spirit in me assures me that a new heaven and earth await me. Wanting to be out from under life’s pressure and die so that I can ever be with the Lord is not the same as putting the business end of a pistol in your mouth and pulling the trigger because you have no hope. 

First Corinthians 10:13 reminds us, No temptation has overtaken you except something common to mankind; and God is faithful, so He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. In Romans 8:18, Paul tells the church, For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Those who constantly refuse to trust in Christ, who grumble inspite of God’s undeserved faithfulness, are guaranteed to experience eternal death.

No one is immune from traumatic stress, not Moses, and not righteous Job. Satan killed his children and servants and drove off their livestock. At this, Job tore his robe, shaved his head, and fell on the ground and worshipped. 21 Then he said, “Naked I came out from my mother’s womb, and naked I will return there. Yahweh gives, and Yahweh takes. Let Yahweh’s name be blessed.” 22 In all this, Job did not sin and did not charge God with wrongdoing.

Then, with God’s permission, 7 So Satan went out from Yahweh’s presence, and he inflicted Job with loathsome skin sores from the sole of his foot up to the crown of his head. 8 So he took for himself a potsherd with which to scrape himself, and he sat in the midst of the ashes. 9 Then his wife said to him, “Are you still persisting in your blamelessness? Curse God and die.” 

1 Afterward Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth. 

2 And Job said, 3 “May the day on which I was to be born perish, As well as the night which said, ‘A boy is conceived.’ 4 May that day be darkness; May God above not care for it, Nor light shine on it. 5 May darkness and black gloom claim it; May a cloud settle on it; May the blackness of the day terrify it. . . 

11 “Why did I not die at birth, Come forth from the womb and expire?

12 “Why did the knees receive me, And why the breasts, that I should suck?

13 “For now I would have lain down and been quiet; I would have slept then, I would have been at rest,

14 With kings and with counselors of the earth, Who rebuilt ruins for themselves;

15 Or with princes who had gold, Who were filling their houses with silver.

16 “Or like a miscarriage which is discarded, I would not be, As infants that never saw light.

17 “There the wicked cease from raging, And there the weary are at rest.

18 “The prisoners are at ease together; They do not hear the voice of the taskmaster.

19 “The small and the great are there, And the slave is free from his master.

20 “Why does he give light to one in misery and life to those bitter of soul,

21 who wait for death, but it does not come, and search for it more than for treasures,

22 who rejoice exceedingly, and they are glad when they find the grave? (Job 3) (emphasis added)

In Job 10:18, Job is sorry for the day of his birth. He questions God, ’Why then did You bring me out of the womb? If only I had died and no eye had seen me! The prophet Jonah seemingly reached the end of his tether. He said, “Therefore now, O Lord, please take my life from me, for death is better to me than life” (Jonah 4:3). In 1 Kings 19:4, the weary prophet Elijah wished for death when he heard wicked Jezebel was after him to kill him. The historian wrote, “4 But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree; and he requested for himself that he might die, and said, ‘It is enough; now, O Lord, take my life, for I am not better than my fathers.’” (emphasis added)

Jeremiah the prophet also dreaded the mission on which God had sent him. 

7 But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am a youth,’ Because everywhere I send you, you shall go, And all that I command you, you shall speak.

8 “Do not be afraid of them, For I am with you to deliver you,” declares the Lord.

9 Then the Lord stretched out His hand and touched my mouth, and the Lord said to me,

“Behold, I have put My words in your mouth.

10 “See, I have appointed you this day over the nations and over the kingdoms, To pluck up and to break down, To destroy and to overthrow, To build and to plant.” (Jer. 1)

By chapter twenty, Jeremiah wanted to throw in the towel. He too wished for death. 14 Cursed be the day when I was born; Let the day not be blessed when my mother bore me! (Jer. 20; emphasis added)