CHILDHOOD TRAUMATIC STRESS

I.    Childhood Trauma

• The most significant contributor to childhood trauma in the USA is family dysfunction, as almost half of the child onset mental disorders and about a third of adult-onset mental disorders occur because of childhood abuse, neglect, and family dysfunction.

• Childhood traumas, particularly those that are interpersonal, intentional, and chronic, are associated with extensive rates of PTSD, PTSS, depression and anxiety, antisocial behaviors, and greater risk for alcohol and substance use disorders.
  

Mt. 18:21-35 Then Peter came up and said to Him, Lord, how many times shall my brother sin against me and I still forgive him? Up to seven times? 22 Jesus *said to him, I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy-seven times. 23 For this reason the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his slaves. 24 And when he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25 But since he did not have the means to repay, his master commanded that he be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment be made. 26 So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, Have patience with me and I will repay you everything. 27 And the master of that slave felt compassion, and he released him and forgave him the debt. 28 But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, Pay back what you owe! 29 So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, Have patience with me and I will repay you. 30 But he was unwilling, and went and threw him in prison until he would pay back what was owed. 31 So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their master all that had happened. 32 Then summoning him, his master said to him, You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you? 34 And his master, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he would repay all that was owed him. 35 My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.

I remember one prayer I prayed in the first church I led. The Lord brought to mind forgiveness toward my dad. Instead of calling them spankings, I don't think he ever apologized for the beatings he gave me. Dad didn't spank me from a heart of love to correct my bad behavior, but because I had disobeyed him, that was an unforgivable sin. His angry punishment was pure and simple, and his belittling began early. It lasted for the remainder of his life.

I heard my dad tell one of his friends about the Russian physiologist Ivan Pavlov and his experiments with dogs. Learning theories focus on how we respond to events or stimuli rather than emphasizing what motivates our actions. These theories provide an explanation of how experience can change what we are capable of doing or feeling. 

From men like Pavlov, J. B. Watson, and B. F. Skinner, Dad believed he could condition my responses to greater obedience when he lowered his voice. I would learn that Dad was about to lower the boom on me in almost a whisper if I kept doing what I was doing. But as I've read these psychologists, the responses they sought to produce in their subjects were positive. 

For example, children don't like loud noises. If you introduce a toy rat to a child after a loud noise, the child will soon fear rats. Dad wanted to achieve an outcome of obedience to him by first the threat of a spanking, followed by the belt for my disobedience. To continually reinforce his goal of my compliance” mow the yard before I get home from work, or I will spank you. I knew the belt would soon follow. Not once do I remember any positive reinforcement. I'm not complaining. I deserved so much of what I got at his hands. However, what was the point of trying? He would find something wrong.

During that prayer time about my relationship with Dad, the top of my head felt like it came off. And then, I started experiencing the depth of my anger toward him. He lived in south Texas, and in my growing anger, I did something foolish. I called him and let him have it. It was probably a good thing he was hundreds of miles from me. I might have killed him if we were standing face to face. As you might expect, that put a real strain on our relationship. I'm sure he didn't see it coming, but the effects of my early years living under the same roof culminated in that prayer time. 

I was a minister of the Gospel who preached every Sunday from the Bible. And I carried a lot of hate in my heart toward my Dad. I couldn't forgive him for his actions toward my family and me. And then there was the issue of Vietnam. Inept men had conducted it for their aggrandizement and profitability. I hated them as well. But I was a preacher of righteousness living with murder in my heart. Jesus told His followers if they hate someone in their hearts, they have committed murder and are liable to judgment (Mt. 5:21ff). Now, God accused me of murdering numerous people as if it meant nothing to me. After all, they deserved it. Right? Mind over matter. I didn't mind, and they didn't matter.

This was the challenge facing me at that time. My Dad had been the source of brain changes in me so that my brain could adjust to life under the roof of a tyrant, often drunk after work. I had no ability from myself to forgive these people from my heart. I'm not making excuses”the research points in this direction. Abused children face an uphill battle with all kinds of issues later in life. I had Vietnam, compounding my ability to forgive. I had said to God many times, I forgive my Dad, but I knew in my soul, where it counted, I hadn't. I tried to obey God in this, but the anger and hurt remained.

God knew I had no ability or desire in myself to forgive my dad. God continued to supply His grace to me through the means of grace. I mean that by attending church on Sunday, God kept providing me with the supernatural ability--grace, to one day forgive my dad. All those years I couldn't forgive him didn't count against me because God in Christ had forgiven me. But God's work in me paved the way to overcome my bitterness and years of harboring hatred in my heart until the day I could set my anger aside for good. So hang in there. Keep going to church, and one day you will be able also to forgive. It is for this reason the Holy Spirit dwells in you. He applies the work of Christ to the damage done to you for His glory. 

There's a biblical axiom that helps me when I face giants like the inability to forgive: whatever God commands, He enables and provides. God demands all men everywhere to repent (Acts 17:30-31). We also discover that both repentance and saving faith are gifts from God (Acts 2:4; Eph. 2:8-9; Acts 11:18; 2 Tim. 2:25). But God equally demands we repent of all sin. Not gonna happen from a spiritually dead heart. God demands I believe fully on Jesus for my salvation. Not gonna happen. I can't love God with my whole being, mind, and soul, which is why Moses, speaking under the inspiration of the Spirit of Christ said, 6 “Moreover the Lord your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your descendants, to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, so that you may live (Dt. 30). The apostle Paul added, 12 So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; 13 for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure (Phil. 2).

Picture is in the public domain.

The ACE Study

The first and largest study conducted on abused children decades after leaving childhood was the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences Study) conducted by CDC-Kaiser from 1995-1997 in San Diego, CA. Seventeen thousand adult members of Kaiser-Permanente. "Participants also answered questions about adverse childhood experiences, including physical, emotional and sexual abuse, physical and emotional neglect, and growing up in a home with divorced parents, domestic violence, substance abuse, or mentally ill or incarcerated household members.

"One day, while reviewing the completed questionnaires, I came across several notes pinned by the study participants, thanking us for asking these questions. One said, 'I thought I would die never having told anyone about my childhood.' The messages were a true testament to the hidden nature of childhood adversities."

The Study revealed that childhood trauma is quite common "even among white, highly educated adults with health care." Childhood trauma reaches in to every socio-economic status or racial minority "that are disproportionally represented in the welfare system." In the Study, almost 30% of the respondents experienced childhood emotional neglect.

In a survey of more than 8,600 Americans in 2003, about two-thirds reported experiencing at least one of the events below as a child.

Substance abuse in household 28.2%

Physical abuse 26.4%

Parental separation or divorce 24.1%

Sexual abuse 21%

Mental illness in household 20.3%

Emotional neglect 14.8%

Battered mother 13%

Emotional abuse 10.2%

Physical neglect 9.9%

Incarcerated household member 6%

The CDC made the following brilliant observation: SAFE, STABLE, NURTURING RELATIONSHIPS & ENVIRONMENTS ARE ESSENTIAL TO PREVENT CHILD MALTREATMENT AND TO ASSURE THAT CHILDREN REACH THEIR FULL POTENTIAL” CDC. For a Christian, the problem is obvious: we live in a broken world that has no hope of changing itself on its own apart from Christ. And even then, many Christian homes are in some way dysfunctional. The Kingdom of God will not come in its fullness prior to Christ's return.

Psychologist Karyl McBride has written on the subject of childhood abuse and forgiveness. There is an inner letting go for your own well-being that provides emotional benefits to your mental health. Forgiveness in this way is positive and healing as long as you don't deny the pain and hurt caused to you and you are able to set appropriate boundaries to stop it in the future.

Dr. Allan Schwartz believes there are situations where forgiveness can be counterproductive. He illustrates his thesis by giving the example of a female patient who was terrorized by a sadistic and violent mother who caused untold psychological damage to her while growing up. To add insult to injury, her father abandoned the mother and daughter. At age sixteen, the girl moved out and lived with a loving family, and she finished high school and began attending college, where she excelled. 

The young woman sought a psychotherapist for the symptoms of childhood abuse. A social worker contacted the woman, telling her that her mother wanted to reconcile. Her reaction was visceral, as she experienced symptoms of PTSD. Discussing the issue in psychotherapy and filled with guilt, she decided to refuse the reconciliation. She feared that her mother, if she did see her, could resume causing her harm as well as put her husband and children at her mercy.

For this woman, forgiveness and reconciliation with her mother was too much to do because of the deep seated injury she suffered.

It's important to understand that this woman's mother was now old and sick. This was the last chance she would  have to forgive and work on the relationship. However, as Dr. Friedman points out, there are times when forgiveness comes at too much of a cost, particularly if the individual is left with PTSD. More than that, forgiveness is about the self and trying to fix things. In this case, the woman ran too much of a risk of being re-victimized.

Childhood trauma

www.bing.com. Public domain. Childhood trauma.jpg Copy. February 29, 2024

On the NPR talk show, Tell Me More, Host Michael Martin asked his guest, Slate advice columnist, Emily Yoffe, about how she advises her inquirers to deal with the topic of forgiveness in light of terrible abuse at the hands of abusive parents. A young man had written to Yoffe for her advice. He had received a significant amount of pressure from family and friends to forgive his mother since she had reached the end of her life. He would feel terrible guilt if he didn't bring closure to that part of his life by not reconciling and forgiving his mother. Yoffe offered this advice to the man.

I think sometimes, what people who are saying forgive don't recognize is, there can be a tremendous cost to the person who was abused to go back to the abuser and say, all is forgiven. And I've heard from people who start getting what - I'm no psychiatrist - would sound like severe PTSD symptoms.

So I said, this is not a cost-free thing these other people are asking you to do. And often, these people get pressure from others who really don't get what this childhood was like. 

The website havoca suggested the following as a means to forgiveness.

Some people have a problem with forgiveness because they see it as acceptance that the abusive behaviour was acceptable or it didn't really hurt them. Abuse is always wrong and always hurtful. Forgiveness does not mean you condone the abuser's actions. Forgiveness allows the hurt to be in the past and doesn't allow it into the future.

Forgiveness and grief are processes and not events. You will find that you may be in one stage for what you have lost as a child but be in the another stage for what you have lost as an adult.

In the responses to the above quote, the question was asked, Do I have tell the abuser that I forgive them in order to heal? The answer is quite telling and speaks to the parable Jesus told in Matthew 18. havoca's writer gives their response: No. Forgiveness takes many forms and can be aimed at many people in the and around the abusive relationship. Personally I would never forgive my abuser“ for me it provides the power over him I never had as a child. (emphasis added)

II.    Brain Transformation, Childhood Abuse, and Forgiveness

Martin H. Teicher emphasizes the damage done to a child's brain by adult abuse. Research on the effects of early maltreatment, including the work of my colleagues and myself at McLean Hospital in Belmont, Massachusetts, appears to tell a different story: that early maltreatment, even exclusively psychological abuse, has enduring negative effects on brain development. We see specific kinds of brain abnormalities in psychiatric patients who were abused as children. We are also beginning to understand how these abnormalities may account directly for the personality traits and other symptoms that patients manifest.â€

III.    Effects on Brain Structures

Childhood abuse and neglect can have several negative effects on how the brain develops. Some of these are:

1. Decreased size of the corpus callosum, which integrates cortical functioning”motor, sensory, and cognitive performances between the hemispheres

2. Decreased size of the hippocampus, which is important in learning and memory

3. Dysfunction at different levels of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, which is involved in the stress response

4. Less volume in the prefrontal cortex, which affects behavior, emotional balance, and perception

5. Overactivity in the amygdala, which is responsible for processing emotions and determining reactions to potentially stressful or dangerous situations

6. Reduced volume of the cerebellum, which can affect motor skills and coordination

IV.    A Constellation of Abnormalities

Our research (and that of other scientists) delineates a constellation of brain abnormalities associated with childhood abuse. There are four major components:

• Limbic irritability, manifested by markedly increased prevalence of symptoms suggestive of temporal lobe epilepsy (TLE) and by an increased incidence of clinically significant EEG (brain wave) abnormalities. (Childhood maltreatment is associated with lasting changes in neuroendocrine regulation, alterations in brain structure and function, and symptoms of limbic irritability. Limbic irritability symptoms include somatic, sensory, and behavioral phenomena and may stem from increased excitatory neurotransmission following maltreatment.)

• Deficient development and differentiation of the left hemisphere, manifested throughout the cerebral cortex and the hippocampus, which is involved in memory retrieval.

• Deficient left-right hemisphere integration, indicated by marked shifts in hemispheric activity during memory recall and by underdevelopment of the middle portions of the corpus callosum, the primary pathway connecting the two hemispheres.

• Abnormal activity in the cerebellar vermis (the middle strip between the two hemispheres of the brain), which appears to play an important role in emotional and attentional balance and regulates electrical activity within the limbic system.

V.    Epilepsy-Like Symptoms

People with temporal lobe epilepsy (TLE)”.25 percent to .5 percent of the U.S. population”have seizures in the temporal or limbic areas of the brain. Because these areas constitute a sizable, varied part of the brain, TLE has a veritable catalog of possible symptoms, including sensory changes such as headache, tingling, numbness, dizziness, or vertigo; motor symptoms such as staring or twitching; or autonomic symptoms such as flushing, shortness of breath, nausea, or the stomach sensation of being in an elevator. TLE can cause hallucinations or illusions in any sense modality. Common visual illusions are of patterns, geometric shapes, flashing lights, or Alice-in-Wonderland like distortions of the sizes or shapes of objects. Other common hallucinations are of a ringing or buzzing sound or repetitive voice, a metallic or foul taste, an unpleasant odor, or the sensation of something crawling on or under the skin. Feelings of de javu (the unfamiliar feels familiar) or jamais vu (the familiar feels unfamiliar) are common, as is the sense of being watched or of mind-body dissociation, the feeling that one is watching one's own actions as a detached observer. Emotional manifestations of temporal lobe seizures usually occur suddenly, without apparent cause, and cease as abruptly as they began; they include sadness, embarrassment, anger, explosive laughter (usually without feeling happy), serenity, and, quite often, fear.

We studied 253 adults who came to an outpatient mental health clinic for psychiatric assessment; slightly more than half reported having been abused physically, sexually, or both. Compared to patients who reported no abuse, average LSCL-33 (Limbic System Checklist-33) scores were 38 percent greater in the patients with physical (but not sexual) abuse, and were 49 percent greater in the patients with sexual (but not other physical) abuse. Patients who acknowledged both physical and sexual abuse had average scores 113 percent greater than patients reporting no abuse. Males and females were similarly affected by abuse. . . . As we expected, abuse before age 18, when the brain is still rapidly developing, had a greater impact on limbic irritability than later abuse. Dr. Leonard Holmes agrees with Teicher, Research supports this idea and suggests that the timing and duration of childhood abuse can impact the way it affects those children later in life. Abuse that occurs early in childhood for a prolonged period of time, for example, can lead to particularly negative outcomes. (emphasis added)

Lockhart noted, "Because childhood abuse, neglect, and trauma change brain structure and chemical function, maltreatment can also affect the way children behave, regulate emotions, and function socially." These potential effects include:

1. Being constantly on alert and unable to relax, no matter the situation

2. Feeling fearful most or all of the time

3. Finding social situations more challenging

4. Learning deficits

5. Not hitting developmental milestones in a timely fashion

6. A tendency to develop a mental health condition

7. A weakened ability to process positive feedback
   

Teicher: We reviewed the records of 115 consecutive admissions to a child and adolescent psychiatric hospital to search for a link between different categories of abuse and evidence of abnormalities in brain-wave studies. We found clinically significant brain-wave abnormalities in 54 percent of patients with a history of early trauma but in only 27 percent of nonabused patients. Among patients who had been abused, abnormal EEG findings were observed in 43 percent of those with psychological abuse; 60 percent of the sample with a reported history of physical abuse, sexual abuse, or both; and 72 percent of the sample in which serious physical or sexual abuse had been documented. The overall prevalence of abnormal EEG studies in patients with a significant history of abuse or neglect was the same for boys and girls and for children and adolescents. . . . The salient specific difference between abused and nonabused patients was in left-sided EEG abnormalities. In the nonabused group, left-sided EEG abnormalities were rare, whereas in the abused group they were much more common, and more than twice as common as right-sided abnormalities. In the psychologically abused group, all the EEG abnormalities were left-sided. . . . in patients with physical, sexual, or psychological abuse, left-sided deficits were more than six times as prevalent as right. In patients with a history of psychological abuse, left-hemisphere deficits were eight times as prevalent as right-sided deficits. This corroborated our hypothesis that abuse is associated with an increased prevalence of left-sided EEG abnormalities and of left-hemisphere defects in neuropsychological testing.†(emphasis added)

VI.    Adverse Effects of the Limbic System Due to Childhood Abuse/s

A.    Amygdala

• In particular, previous research has identified hyperactive amygdala responsivity associated with childhood maltreatment.

• These findings suggest that lasting alterations to fronto-limbic circuitry occur as a consequence childhood maltreatment.

• Interactions between each SNP and increased levels of emotional neglect, were associated with heightened reactivity to angry and fear faces in the dorsal amygdala which suggests a neurobiological mechanism linking PTSS and depressives symptoms of hyperarousal and hypervigilience to negative affect and to psychopathology. 

• When the hypothalamus releases CRH in response to a stressor, the locus coeruleus (LC)-norepinephrine/SNS system becomes activated indirectly through the central amygdala. Activation of the locus coeruleus causes an increase in the release of norepinephrine throughout the brain and results in symptoms of PTSD and anxiety.

• Research in rats demonstrated a relationship between oxytocin and the mother's relationship with her offspring, as those mothers who engaged in more licking/grooming behaviors exhibited higher levels of oxytocin receptor binding in the amygdala . . . . Mothers who demonstrated lower levels of licking/grooming behaviors, had lower levels of oxytocin gene expression, thereby highlighting the important role that oxytocin plays in the attachment bond. (emphasis added)
  

B.    Hippocampus

• Furthermore, there are gender x maltreatment effects on brain development. Gender differences were demonstrated using anatomical MRI. Maltreated boys with PTSD had smaller cerebral volumes and larger lateral ventricular volumes than maltreated girls with PTSD, even though the two groups had similar trauma, mental health histories, and IQ. In addition, research has shown a relationship between the type of trauma and gender, as neglect has been shown to have a strong association with smaller corpus callosum size in boys, while sexual abuse was strongly linked to decreased corpus callosum size in girls.

• Research using functional neuroimaging of children and adolescents exposed to maltreatment has shown similar executive, attentional, and affective emotional dysregulation.

• However, investigators have demonstrated functional brain differences in the amygdala and hippocampus of maltreated youth compared to non-maltreated children.

• Cross-sectional studies examining maltreatment trauma in childhood have shown lower IQs and deficits in language and academic achievement in maltreated children compared to children who have not been exposed to maltreatment. The link between early trauma and IQ has been demonstrated through a twin study, where after controlling for the effect of shared heritability, domestic violence was associated with lower IQ (e.g., mean of 8 points) in exposed versus non-exposed children. Exposure to trauma in childhood has also been associated with executive deficits.

• Cells in the hippocampus have an unusually large number of receptors that respond to the stress hormone cortisol. Since animal studies show that exposure to high levels of stress hormones like cortisol has toxic effects on the developing hippocampus, this brain region may be adversely affected by severe stress in childhood. . . . The left hippocampus of abused patients with PTSD was 12 percent smaller than the hippocampus of the healthy controls, but the right hippocampus was of normal size, as were other brain regions, including the amygdala, caudate nucleus, and temporal lobe. Not surprisingly, given the role of the hippocampus in memory, these patients also had lower verbal memory scores than the nonabused group. Murray Stein and his colleagues also found left hippocampal abnormalities in women who had been sexually abused as children. Their left hippocampal volume was significantly reduced, but the right hippocampus was relatively unaffected. Fifteen of the 21 sexually abused women had PTSD; 15 had a dissociative disorder. They suffered a reduction in the size of the left hippocampus proportionate to the severity of their symptoms.

• One study suggests that hippocampal atrophy may be a latent developmental effect of childhood maltreatment.

• We found in boys who had been abused or neglected that the middle portions of the corpus collosum were significantly smaller than in the control groups. . . . In girls, however, sexual abuse was a more powerful factor, associated with a major reduction in size of the middle portions of the corpus collosum. . . . Couldn't maltreating children produce abnormalities in the cerebellar vermis that contribute to later psychiatric symptoms?

• Testing this hypothesis, we found that the vermis seems to become activated to control” and quell”electrical irritability in the limbic system. It appears less able to do this in people who have been abused. If, indeed, the vermis is important not only for postural, attentional, and emotional balance, but in compensating for and regulating emotional instability, this latter capacity may be impaired by early trauma.

• In summary, we now know that childhood abuse is linked with excess neuronal irritability, EEG abnormalities, and symptoms suggestive of temporal lobe epilepsy. It is also associated with diminished development of the left cortex and left hippocampus, reduced size of the corpus callosum, and attenuated activity in the cerebellar vermis. We see a close between the effects of early stress on the brain's transmitters”our discoveries about the negative effects of early maltreatment on brain development”and the array of psychiatric symptoms that we actually observe in abused patients.†(emphasis added)

C.    Prefrontal Cortex

• In a rodent model of infant maltreatment, abuse and neglect during infancy decreases brain-derived neurotropic factor (BDNF) gene expression in the adult prefrontal cortex (PFC) [109]. In addition, these investigators found that chronic treatment with a DNA methylation inhibitor lowered levels of methylation in male and female rats exposed to early maltreatment.

• The catecholamines (epinephrine, dopamine, and norepinephrine) and corresponding increased activity in the SNS work to generally prepare an individual for action by redistributing blood away from the skin, intestines, and kidneys and to the brain, heart and skeletal muscles, and by diverting energy through a central dopamine mechanism that inhibits the prefrontal cortex, from a thinking and planning mode to a survival and alertness mode.

• In a rodent model of infant maltreatment, abuse and neglect during infancy decreases brain-derived neurotropic factor (BDNF) gene expression in the adult prefrontal cortex (PFC) .

• The Val allele (decision making) is associated with increased dopamine neurotransmission in the prefrontal cortex, which is associated with deficits in executive function and increased risk for impulsive anger. On the other hand, adults with early trauma and the Val/Val genotype showed increasing levels of dissociation corresponding to increased exposure to higher levels of childhood trauma. (emphasis added)
  

VI.   Forgiveness and the Abused Child

We have seen that with childhood abuse causes a tremendous amount of cranial transformation, all of which, according to researchers, is negative. I can identify with so much of the evidence. It's incredible how many symptoms I had before I left home for Vietnam, where a "tank" ran over my brain. 

We've also noted that forgiveness helps those who give it. Forgiveness, however, doesn't mean you condone an abuser's actions, but there is great benefit in letting go and putting it in the past. On the other side of this psychological coin, sometimes forgiving an abuser can seem to be too costly to be advised to forgive another for their abuse. Counselors and psychologists may advise a client to set closure against the personal cost to the one forgiving. If the divide is too great, severing the ties and moving on is often preferred. 

Psychology, for the most part, could care less what God and His Word think. Actually, they would prefer He didn't say it. Religion, after all, is humanity's fundamental problem. Christians believe God exists, and we persist in this illusion. We need to rid ourselves of any guilt and move on. If a man has no soul or need for one, what matters is what makes you happy. If leaving an abusive parent to die in their regret is most beneficial to you, then so be it. Your happiness is paramount. 

In Matthew 18:21ff's passage that began this chapter, Jesus told the parable about forgiveness and understanding its implications from debt. The master forgave his servant of a colossal debt, 10,000 talents worth. Jesus's listeners would have grasped the tremendous amount the servant owed his master. The master forgave the servant the enormous amount of financial obligation. But the servant found a fellow slave who owed him 100 denarii. One denarius equaled an average day's wage. The difference between the two sums was almost incalculable. Jesus signified by the difference in the two amounts, just how much we owe God compared to men. 14 For if you forgive other people for their offenses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive other people, then your Father will not forgive your offenses (Mt. 6).

If we consider that we constantly break God's law, all sin is against God since He is the Lawgiver. We all lie, and that makes us liars. We have all stolen something, making us thieves. And we've all coveted what others have. We have not honored our parents as we should have. We have worshipped other gods. We have taken the Lord's name in vain, not once but too many times. We have hated, which means we have murdered in our hearts. We have all lusted after someone, not once but many times. We have not kept the Sabbath, and our mouths are too often cesspools of profanity. I could go on and on. The Apostle Paul rightly stated in Romans 3 that both Jews and Greeks are all under sin; 10 as it is written: There is no righteous person, not even one; 11 There is no one who understands, There is no one who seeks out God; 12 They have all turned aside, together they have become corrupt; There is no one who does good, There is not even one.

King David understood this. He committed adultery and then murdered the woman's husband. He stated in Psalm 51:4, Against You, You only, I have sinned And done what is evil in Your sight So that You are justified when You speak And blameless when You judge. The child born from that adulterous relationship died. David knew he had sinned against God even though it affected three people directly. Indirectly, David's transgressions affected the entire nation adversely. The Gentile nations would blaspheme Israel's God on David's account.  

Every day, the number of our sins against God increases. You've probably seen the U.S. Debt Clock posting ever-larger numbers with each passing second. The amount we owe as a nation has resulted from our leader's lack of restraint. They find no reason to curb their spending practices but prefer to raise the debt ceiling so that the amount we owe grows constantly. So, too, the amount of sin we accrue against God rises each day. What we owe to people is minuscule compared to the parable's point. What we owe God in sins committed against Him and Him alone can never be repaid, and our sin debt also grows larger with each passing day.

The point of the parable is mercy versus justice. The master had compassion for his servant, who owed him more than he could ever repay. The debt-canceled enslaved person didn't have any charity in himself to forgive his fellow slave of about three months of daily wages worth of debt. Someone has rightly said, "Those who know God's mercy must operate on the principle of mercy. If they do not show mercy but insist on justice, they will not receive mercy but justice. An unforgiving heart is an unforgiven heart and is subject to torment until he should pay all. A truly forgiving heart is one result of spiritual rebirth (Jn. 3:3)."

With its man-centered philosophy, psychology may or may not advise a person to forgive an abuser. God's will is evident on this issue. Obedience to God doesn't consider our combat trauma, allowing us to opt out of forgiving others. The law of Christ demands compliance with His will. A rebellious person's sinful preferences, sooner or later, will find God's justice, staring them in the face. 

32 Then summoning him, his master said to him, ˜You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you? 34 And his master, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he would repay all that was owed him. 35 My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart. (emphasis added)

To finish my story, it took me years until I could forgive my Dad from my heart. Was it wrong on my part to take so long to forgive my Dad? We have seen the effects of abuse and stress on the brain, and I believe God ensured I could not, from myself, that is, in my own strength, forgive my Dad. The Lord is transforming me from the inside progressively so that He would receive all the credit. God wanted my brain in such a state that it couldn't possibly forgive. No matter how much guilt Bible preachers and teachers threw my way to cause me to forgive my Dad. Only the work of the indwelling Spirit applying the benefits of Christian's life, death, burial, resurrection, and intercessory work on my behalf could bring about heartfelt forgiveness on my part. I could say, I forgive you, Dad, all day, but that didn't mean I had forgiven him from my heart. The work of forgiveness had to come from Him in my heart, which was the point. That may take years, as it did with me. 

Rom. 8:1-4 Therefore there is now no condemnation at all for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. 3 For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. (emphasis added)

One of the benefits of Christ for His people is mercy. I had none to give, and my brain had no ability or desire to do God's will. It remained set on battle. The decades it took for Him to bring me to that point are irrelevant in this discussion. I wish it hadn't taken so long, but God honored His Son and Spirit's work in and for me. God won't share His glory with me or anyone. Salvation is from the Lord (Jonah 2:9).

God demands that we seek reconciliation with those who have hurt us. Why? Because that is what God in Christ did for us. We had rebelled against Him, not vice versa. God sent His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us.†Christ Jesus came to reconcile us to Himself, knowing it would brutally cost Him His life.

Psychology does not see the cost God has paid toward our salvation. God is emphatic. Either you show mercy toward those who have hated and abused you, or I will come and show you My justice. We are to be imitators of Christ, suffering as He suffered and filling up His sufferings that remain. What God demands, He enables and supplies.